Did HR mishandle my sick coworker’s resignation? Even a really compassionate, precise, firm HR person is going to have to mediate situations where one or both people will leave unhappy. Overheard coworkers complaining about me....feeling bad ... Feeling very anxious and upset right now and thought I'd ask for advice. But if you feel like they'll take the feedback, then go ahead and point out how unprofessional it is as well. is there any point in “courtesy interviews”? No one wants to find out that their boss is talking trash about them behind their back. Was just discussing with some of my friends, the law that pharma reps can’t give anything, not even a pen, to doctors – because the abuse of this concept was taken to the nth level. She's Greek so she's yelling over the phone at my sister and I can hear her all the way in the kitchen saying "she's so disgusting, and she lies about having to go to school on a Sunday. When it’s done well, its unobtrusive and makes the room better. This is a good spell to use against a slanderer or anyone who is trying to negatively influence others against you. But it's not dragging it into the work place. She doesn't understand for some reason that I don't want to stay up until 4 am and drive a half hour away to school every day while she's at work and be broke all the time and struggle to pay my bills because I'm borderline on the honor roll and I want to do well. I care very much for my employees but I’m not going to break a rule for them or bend it if it’ll get me in trouble. As you do so, remain calm and objective. you should avoid talking behind in public places or in places with mobs. Especially when you’re dealing with potentially emotional topics. 19 Signs Your Work Environment Is Toxic & Affecting You ... I'd appreciate it if you give me job related feedback directly, so that I can improve.". You've suffered an example of a bigger societal issue we have with expectations of women in the workplace. Coworker I Trusted Telling Lies To Boss Behind My Back ... It used to be normal for people to have to weigh multiple offers against each other. Well, I’ll just say that this has been my experience in California.). I send some stupid random stuff via text I’ll admit but it’s to friends and they do the same thing. In 2004 the creepy file clerk who had been chasing me transferred into my group at the same time my excellent manager retired and was replaced by a man who was too stupid to understand the technical work I was doing (and I had always had excellent reviews). People that haven't experienced depression have a very hard time understanding it and often deflect with humor or by making light of it, that could be what they're doing. Men Share The Most Hurtful Thing They've Overheard About ... I have an overactive bladder which means a) 6 hours without a bathroom break is not physically even possible for me, and b) when I have to go, I. Your ED's complaining was all about his fantasies of a happy, smiley workplace, and probably had nothing to do with your actual quality as an employee and human being. It's also a terrible work environment if the ED and a supervisor are the ones doing the gossiping and when they're overheard, they say you're overreacting. I’ve always understood both terms to mean the same thing. Second of all you're getting a harsh lesson on the reality of a work environment. Not a perfect distinction but workable in most contexts. So I told my family I'd be a half hour late. I'm not sure what my endgame ever was, in trash talking my husband -- other than for those few brief moments it was a way for me to selfishly let out pent up resentment I'd felt about him and perhaps I thought my audience would side with me and reassure me that, yes, marriage sucked, husbands suck and I was right. He’s technological enough to email, with all that free time he should move to social media, doh. If it was affecting your work, sure they can talk about what to do, etc. But I appreciate the time you spent talking with me and wish you the best of luck in . How can I remedy the situation? Office-Politics » My boss is talking about me to everyone! Basically, I overheard a conversation between my direct supervisor and our executive director criticizing me personally. (OP says her supervisor “unfortunately did not relay the information” at the time the deadlines were pushed back, but apparently gave an “explanation” during the talk she overheard.). I’m absolutely open to constructive criticism and would like to improve in every way I can, but nothing has been brought up to me directly and this is starting to affect my morale. The idea that you warn me that any shopping around means it will be revoked would make me say no right there and then. I can only imagine how thankless it can be, but do know there are people out there who are grateful for the good folks in HR! Why? No one would hire their idiot cousin for a position designing beam transmission systems, but they routinely do for HR because they think anyone can do it. This is the “Be glad you even have a job” theory of compensation planning. I’ve used it twice for 6-week recovery periods after surgery. -“Escort out anyone who there is reason to believe will spread ill will or cause damage, including most firings and heat-of-the-moment resignations” = reasonable policy. People Share The Most Hurtful Thing They've Accidentaly Overheard About Themselves. We only email things that don’t require a response anyways. Answer (1 of 4): > What should I do when I hear my boss talking badly about me to my colleague? I'd probably talk with them individually and say something like "Hey, I just want you to know that I've overheard you discussing my personal demeanor several times in a critical manner. Yeah great idea. It doesn't matter what we say to each other, we are family and we can't be mad at eachother; this is your home too. I came back home to shower and nap and take care of my dog. People will talk, they always will. The victim is within their rights to sue the person who did the defaming for damages. Not all employers provide disability coverage, and some/many that do, the employee has to opt in and pay for it. but literally just gossiping is an ethics/morale issue, especially because they're the superiors. I guess that it doesn’t surprise me at all that when notice of her leaving came out it didn’t go into details of the why. Update** she sent me a message apologizing. 1. can I be paid in comp time instead of overtime pay? It's more about them than you. Be polite and focus on your needs. I worked at a pool and my Boss was teaching a recertification course. That said, in general conversation the terms can be used interchangeably although in reality the meanings vary per regional & company culture. Peggy, your question isn’t dumb. Before you put in your two weeks notice, here are 19 signs you might be working in a toxic work environment. Recently the model was clicked in Bandra wearing an orange dress with laces in front and a plunging neckline. Sounds like HR was at the junction of Hard Town and Rock City; I blame the person who put her in the position of HAVING to defend the pay cuts. How to handle my boss talking trash about me behind my ... Normally, this is rooted in insecurity and the things being said are rarely true. Plus, you can clear the air and hopefully settle . It truly is the thankless job. Not always true of course, but it does happen, probably more than you think. One nice way to make a flaming turd of a situation BETTER. If you frequently find that you lose candidates who “shop around” then it’s either time to improve pay and benefits and/or your culture and working environment need to change. There’s also the problem with many organizations not having anyone actually trained in HR and thinking the accountant or the admin assistant is good enough. If your depression, for instance, forces you to take a few days off sick, don't say "Sorry, can't come in, I'm depressed". Name bad-mouthing as a problem but don't respond with your own bad-mouthing, i.e., "your father's a nightmare and is out for revenge." Instead, acknowledge that your ex says bad things about you and focus on the impact on your kids: "What you've heard may have scared you, or made you angry." My boss, however, is a different story. I'm not saying what they're doing is right, just pointing out the realities. :D :D :D ". Yes, I know it was immature of me, but I . On the other hand, I hope that the LW learned to ask important questions like “What’s the PTO policy?” “What training is available?”. Well first of all you might want to consider looking for a more professional work environment. You think it gives you something to talk about and bond over. Please forgive me, I love you.". If you are making competitive offers out of the gate (not starting with a lowball offer and then requiring people to hustle and deal in order to get realistic compensation) you don’t have much to worry about. 40 Quotes About People Talking About You Behind Your Back Normally, this is rooted in insecurity and the things being said are rarely true. The manager informed me of this in confidence, so I can't bring up the matter directly with my employee. What does she have, one of them? When he has an issue with me he will have his wife come in and yell (yes, yell at me) about being an adult and handling myself in a professional manner. Dear Office-Politics, I have been with my company for a little over 1 year and I love my job. Talk to this boss. It feels more formal, anyway. I'd probably start looking around for something else if I were you. Look for another job (but having a downer attitude will absolutely play a role in your next position). Yet unlike pretty much any other position that holds the potential for serious harm, HR folks aren’t held responsible for the harm they cause. In some circumstances people will indeed take almost any offer due to desperation, a burning desire to work at one particular organization, or to get their start in a competitive industry. Many people will see it as an opportunity for gossip. I think the boss is looking for an excuse to fire the OP, or at least start the process. I mis-read that as “pictures of his pants” and had to re-read. Focus on your tasks and try to knock them out of the park. I’ll see you tonight, honey. I can’t imagine emailing my old boss all “wut up? Some good, some meh, and some bad. $40 a month so that if I’m sick AF and can’t work for awhile, my rent and basics are paid. #1. Sometimes I get tired of cleaning and get mad. Ok, let’s take away your insurance and money so now you can become homeless and die. A Coworker I Trusted Is Telling Lies to the Boss Behind My Back. If you do your job poorly, it impacts a lot of critical aspects of people’s jobs. Honestly, as an HR professional most people outside the department don’t know the law and therefore think HR professionals are incompetent when they just aren’t getting their way or blaming HR when really the decision, direction etc… was given by management and/or the c-suite. Some HR people can get away with spirit of the law but others work for companies so afraid of a lawsuit that we get in trouble for not following the letter of the law. It seriously gets under my skin. I’ve learned over the years that they’re everywhere and this is why there are laws making employers give bathroom breaks and requiring them to pay you on a schedule. Is my boss talking bad about me behind my back? However, generally, here are 13 things your boss can't legally do: Ask prohibited questions on job applications. So, it's natural that we have different types of relationships. Everyone would take more money if you offered it to them. ;-D. I’m hesitating to ask, because Our Host would have mentioned this and I don’t want to derail, but—wouldn’t the sick coworker who has used all her leave be eligible for some kind of disability leave, via the company? Same is true for personality conflicts. Specifically, my ED was complaining I had not been smiling lately, that i seemed so damn unhappy, would it kill me to smile, etc. It's your personal issue, and there no guarantee other people won't go talk about it. Sorry for your shitty supervisors, but you cannot make these people understand mental health issues. Tell the boss what you need to succeed in terms of direction, feedback, and support. In some cases, you may feel that a rumor is so serious that you really need to talk to the person who started it. Didn’t even realize I was being weird (but wouldn’t be the first time lol). I’m a middle aged business school student, majoring in management and my end goal is HR. Because of the nature of the work, a lot of people expect HR to be perfect all the time which no one can be. The wise thing to do is to forgive them for their ignorance and indiscretion and subtly remind them how thin the walls are so you won't overhear their gossip again. https://steptohealth.com/problems-holding-your-pee/, employee threatens to sue us when we tell her to save work files, I don’t want to put up holiday decorations, and more, a candidate told a random lie and doubled-down when we asked about it, I made a gift guide for every employee on your team, my partner and I both work from home … and we’re moving in together, does my emergency make me look like a flake, discussing salary with friends, and more, my boss was furious that I went to a work party after calling out sick, my employee punched her supervisor during a disagreement, my team is requiring us to do a diet/exercise/”mental toughness” program, coworker takes all his calls on speakerphone, demoted boss asked me to be a character witness, and more. I’m very hesitant to draw such sweeping conclusions based on a small sample of anecdotes. They might ask for the opportunity to meet/beat any other offers the candidate is fielding. I do describe some mundane BS sometimes but we’re friends and she’s more of a mentor and as much as we try not to liken powerful women to mother figures, she’s my second mother (very much her own wording, she introduced herself to my mom as such and gushed about my work and how much I was appreciated/loved). It's not often you find out how your mom really feels about you. My supervisor did not care about me one bit. Carolyn Hax: I heard my in-laws saying hateful things about me behind my back. In other words, there is a real effort not to gossip — a real effort not to tell anybody else what you have just seen or found in a person. Talk to your boss. One of the reasons HR is seen as horrible is betrayal. eg: “My boss did this. It isn't bad, but you shouldn't yell out and tell everyone that you are doing it. The spirit of the law requires a greater understanding of why the rule is there in the first place, why it’s necessary, and when/if there’s room to bend it (and, a certain comfort level in the authority of the person making that call). Just dismissing it as confirmation bias also neglects the incredible amount of damage an incompetent HR rep can do. Mom talked shit about me to my sister and I don't want to be home anymore. She wasn’t the worst employee there, not by a far shot, but the nature of her position made her errors have a big impact. I had an HR person at my last job who was pleasant but ineffectual, and that ended up causing a great deal of damage because she was just letting stuff slide that really required taking a firm stance. I think we should follow Matthew 18:15, which says, if you find your brother or sister sinning against you or taking a fall, you go to them first. It's not worth it. Same is true for personality conflicts. That being said, you elaborate in a comment that you never actually discussed your mental illness with these people, and that they might have gleaned the information from a doctor's note you handed them a while ago. signed, She Who Recently Asked for Thoughts on Colleagues vs Co-workers If you had Tourette's syndrome, which causes you to make loud outbursts, you should obviously be judged and accepted differently than someone who just has no self-control and thinks it's funny to be loud at inappropriate moments. I've been in this situation. Later my supervisor did that.” So yeah, incompetents in HR roles can really shred the morale in a company, and damage the reputation of a company. Acknowledge the bad-mouthing. And of course people often define “better” offer differently, so it’s not just a dollar amount thing. Which brings me to my next point. Jobs like HR and management give incompetent people more opportunity to cause damage. Ever see someone happily, repeatedly and publicly defend a pay cut because it “brings the company back within industry standards”? In 2002 I was hired from a temp position and the HR rep said to me, “you’re very talented, we’re glad to hire you.” Trash talking is putting another person down, usually for self-serving reasons. Employees want the chance to fix the situation. I then heard her mutter "See, I can't even talk to you in private" (A is in my house on my laptop-plus, there shouldn't be a need for secrecy). A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. USA!”). Save most chitchat about non work issues for break and lunch time, but do be friendly. When it’s done poorly, it’s all you can see and think about. Holy moly the emailing exboss is so cringe worthy. Overheard my mom talking great shit about me. I've already contacted HR a week ago with the issue and they've yet to respond. Nopenopenope. Unknown. Have a good day. Dec 26, 2016. She should also let the colleague know she was wrong to let him walk away with an implied . Any advice? Other questions I’m answering there today include: Why does working in HR kill common sense in so many people? Most people realize that they couldn’t, say, be a satellite uplink engineer without any training. Unless it gets worse at work I don't think anything positive can happen from you confronting them. It can also keep you from getting ahead … or anywhere at all in your job. Say you have the flu or a medical procedure or something. Talking behind always is not good. Make sure you have the documentation, make sure with your. Seconding this! I don’t if he’d care about that, but he might care about the possible rise in health caew costs that this could lead to. But, if you had to choose your boss, the subject of your trash talk, or a random co-worker, you'd probably choose the random option. I never thought of myself as someone with productivity issues (we’re a tech startup, so there really is no room or time for slacking off) and have only received positive feedback for my work ethic. Almost zero parents who aren't artists really understand what that means and how incredibly draining it is. Many athletes, politicians and romantic rivals engage in clever, witty, insulting or boastful trash talk to rattle an opponent. A good person, though, gets my loyalty. Time to leave. A symptom of depression is assuming the worst about other people's motives. I do know that a lot of companies will resist using disability for employees and fight it with ugly lawyering. Cenedella suggests asking your boss what you . The higher-ups in our company regularly have private meetings, which are usually very hush-hush behind closed doors. Then the same people who abuse the system cry about govt. Tldr; I work so hard and it's not good enough, I'm still a "gross, lazy disappointment." “If you are making competitive offers out of the gate (not starting with a lowball offer and then requiring people to hustle and deal in order to get realistic compensation) you don’t have much to worry about. A cold cutoff like that is terrible, and HR should be ashamed! I definitely agree that you made the correct call on that one. Feeling very anxious and upset right now and thought I'd ask for advice. They obviously aren't going to support you in getting over your depression, so I would look for another job. My first hire was Mary, and I think of her as my second-in-command. Just shake it off and continue your days normally, because their gossip is meaningless. The man is dropped off in Panama, at the Darien Gap. Talking behind your partner's back can affect the trust in a relationship and you now might be wondering what he has said to other people and if there are other things that bother him about being with you. This is what Instagram is for or even Facebook. I Overheard My Coworkers Talking About Me. I had a mental breakdown in February because I'm just constantly stressed. I’d like to approach my supervisor and/or boss, but given that I “eavesdropped” on a private meeting (which I know I shouldn’t have, but what’s done is done, regrettably), I’m not exactly sure how to address the issue. I asked her why that was relevant in a course like that and how she would feel if I did that to her. Don’t ever go to an auction, LKW. Even still, this situation deserves some care and attention. Do you really expect people are never going to leave once hired? I thought the supervisor was just cya at the ops expense. To me, it’s not too hard to lay out expectations clearly rather than coming up with a policy that can be misinterpreted as being a hard and fast rule. Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. Some good people who are competent, way more who cause inane screw ups and unflinchingly parrot the company line. And then, from my boss, "Obviously, we'll use this time to give him the bad news instead." Suddenly my hangover recedes. I stopped working out. So we only get stories about HR being incompetent, which leads people to believe it’s a general trend. supervisor that they actually said that, then call your coworker on lying. Now he is talking bad about me to other employees .He made a manager meeting telling them to tell him of any employees who express unfair treatment or unhappy with him personally. If you aren't seeking help for your depression I'd start there. Both at work, but also mentally. I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). If you can pull her aside and speak to her privately and express your concerns, it could help. He freaks out if I wait to tell him things after or right before they happen. tl;dr: Overheard my direct supervisor and boss gossiping about me personally. (And you’re right, snapchat does vanish the pictures, though you can take a screenshot and save the picture before it disappears. The problem is, people look at HR and thing “oh anyone could do that”, and often leadership falls victim to the same fallacy! 7 sample answers to "Describe your best boss and worst boss" interview question. Holy heck, #3. As you notice, I did not indicate that it was unprofessional or gossip anything, because I don't know your relationship with them and how likely they are to get angry and retaliate. In other companies I have also seen HR held accountable for serious matters that affect employees. I have no idea how to handle it. I've been at my job for 22 years. Don't gossip about the boss with coworkers. Honestly, it's wrong to say this about anyone regardless of gender. Now I know that isn't a realistic solution for everyone but it should be something worth trying. He has been with the company for over 15 years and has been pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. The same HR rep (and her boss) treated me like garbage. . This really seems to fit with my current experience. HR only pretends to support us. Verify the motives of the messenger. So you are stuck in a position where your executives have a negative opinion about you. Big decisions like these should always be slept on. https://steptohealth.com/problems-holding-your-pee/, There are many examples of this in every industry. supervisor that they actually said that, then call your coworker on lying. I just purchased disability policies because I finally have an employer who opened the door for the option. I've also heard her talking politics with other people in our department, and at least once I overheard her say something about how I 'must be a liberal' since I grew up in San Francisco. How you deal emotionally with these types of questions is equally important. Bad Mouthing the Boss. Overhearing someone talking about you at work creates a bad reputation for both the instigator and you. And stability, and a pleasant work environment, and benefits, and a reasonable commute…. That being said, I would recommend viewing work as work. Even if it's just taking with a trusted friend or family member. They thought I had left the office I think so were . We aim to keep this a safe space. Talks about your coworkers behind their backs. I'm staying away again tonight. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. She was making light of my relationship because both my partner and I worked at the community center. If there’s a legitimate business need for an answer in 12 hours, they should be paying more. I got there at 4:30 and everyone was already done eating. I have caught him in several lies, stealing and harassing. He refuses to speak with me about this and he's also spread rumors about other workers before. I- I’ve sent friends pictures of my plants :/ but it’s more of a hey, my cool new cactus bloomed!! Staying while trying to not let their opinion of you get to you and suffering potential consequences of their opinions is not what especially you, a person struggling with depression, needs. California requiring ST Disability is fantastic and showing it’s progressive labor laws. You know your boss at least a little so you may be able to tell if he has a mindset like this or not. If you try to explain they won't listen. I was kind of shocked by that but guess I should also let it go. Some things in life are annoying to the jerk-eating-crackers level, but aren’t policy or legal violations, and aren’t any kind of harassment or actionable thing. I want very much for there to be a “bidding war” for my services, and will actively work to instigate one. I told my family I had to drive a half hour to school that opened at 3 a d closed at 5 to render some files that I wouldn't be able to finish on time otherwise. Talk about it. Unpaid training and unpaid holidays (or no holidays) are unusual enough and undesirable enough that they should be mentioned early in the process. In the bathroom at work, I was in the stall and overheard two bitches talking about my outfit that day. Be firm, direct and don't talk around the subject. I don't think there is an older male coworker? She was critical about my work, but in a constructive manner. He refuses to speak with me about this and he's also spread rumors about other workers before. It’s that simple. I think there is a good chance they have forgotten that that note mentioned depression and were commenting on your mood as though you're mentally normal. That really depends on your industry. If you feel that his opinion of you is unjustified then perhaps tell him what you heard and give him your side of the story. Kind of discouraging, tbh. If they don’t appreciate you, it’s time to find people who do." Here are Liz Ryan's 10 sure signs your boss doesn't respect you and it's time to consider your options. I wasn’t paying much attention until I overheard my name and my boss questioning my productivity due to a few deadlines that had been pushed back by my supervisor who, unfortunately, did not relay the information.
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